


A Hard Day's Night

by hungrydean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Escort Dean, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Student Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10717020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungrydean/pseuds/hungrydean
Summary: Castiel, bothered by his friends because he never even kissed someone, decides he can’t handle the nagging anymore and does something he thought he’d never do.





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel has never understood the importance of a relationship status. From the moment his friends started to go on dates, he felt different. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but it shouldn’t be so… short. Couples break up before Castiel even notices they’re together, and the weirdest is; no one seems that heartbroken about it. Maybe it’s just a game for them, or it gives you status to say how many girls you dated or how much guys have tried to kiss you.

He has always been different but has always been able to mingle in with a few people. But even with his two closest of friends, there’s a bridge that they already crossed, and Cas still has to find it. 

Next to his primary school date that lasted a week, he’s never been with anyone. No kiss, no holding hands, nothing. And even though he doesn’t want to admit it- he is ashamed. Being different has never been something he cherished, not in this way. He doesn’t want his friends to look at him as if he needs their pity, as if he’s pathetic. He functions properly and there’s nothing wrong with his life. He feels as good about himself as everyone else, as long as it doesn’t include romance.

For a while, he was able to ignore his friends’ comments about him “needing to get laid” and didn’t take it too seriously. But the more they talk about it, the more Cas feels the ground under his feet burning, knowing he needs to at least get on that bridge before that starts burning, too.

It’s on a perfect, soft spring day, late in the afternoon, that his friends start about it again.

“You gotta get yourself a girl, Cas.”

“A _guy_ ,” Meg corrects and points at Balthazar. “But you got a point. Why’d you stay alone, Clarence?”

Castiel takes a moment to think of his answer. He says what he always says.

“I don’t need to. I’m fine.”

Meg sighs and even though Castiel isn’t looking, he’s sure she’s rolling her eyes. It’s quiet for a while. Castiel hopes that the conversation is over, but he isn’t that lucky.

“You have no idea what you’re missing, besides- look at you! Anyone would be happy to spend a night of fun with you.”

When Cas gives Balthazar a confused look, the British guy gives a wink and smirks. “I am not kidding, man.”

“I’ll just wait here, then,” Cas mutters and tries to focus on his study book. Meg puts her hand over the letters.

“None of that. You aren’t just gonna sit and wait. You think that’s how you’re gonna catch the good ones? Go and look out for them, silly. You can’t be lazy about it.”

Castiel sighs. He isn’t lazy, just not interested. Why don’t they understand? They had this conversation so many times that he doesn’t start a discussion anymore. Here in the park, at home, by text, in school- his friends won’t give him space. It’s annoying him until the point that he doesn’t want to see them anymore, but they don’t realize it.

He doesn’t want to dislike his friends or avoid them. It’s a stupid reason to give up his friends for anyways, but still… It drives him crazy. Thanks to them, it’s become a regular topic he thinks about when he’s alone. 

Romance, love… It means something different to him than it apparently means to his friends. He tries to block everything else they say and goes home when it starts to get dark.

_Go and look out for them, silly._  

This is insane, absolutely insane. It’s dumb and ridiculous. He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t do things just because his friends tell him to. He hovers the mouse over the search box, then takes a decision. He types in a few words and hits enter, hating every single piece of himself. 

He looks around for a while, clicking site after site- researching how to spot fake ones. Fifteen minutes in, he forgot about his friends. He’s clicking the link to another site and lets it load. 

The site is simple and clean- no desperate images or bold underlined titles. The site’s layout is elegant, like a professional set up account, and it’s the first one he feels comfortable with. There’s a Profile page, Contact and Information. He clicks profile. 

_“Call me Dean. I’m 24 years old, located in Lawrence, Kansas. You’ll find that I…”_ Castiel reads until the end of the profile and once he’s done, he realizes he hasn’t even seen pictures but already knows that this is going to be him. He clicks on the folder with pictures and hopes that his decision was right.   
A handsome young man with dirty blond hair smiles at the camera, freckles covering his nose, eyes green like emeralds. 

There are mixed feelings inside Castiel. He doesn’t want to do this, the idea of his friends begins to make his way back into his thoughts. But he already spent the last few hours scanning the Internet for someone like this, a trustworthy and honest looking person. Now he found him and he wants to back off. 

_Get a backbone, Novak._ He clicks “Contact”, already reaching for his phone. 

The phone rings twice. Castiel is about to hit the red button, forget about it, when someone picks up. 

“Good evening, I’m Dean, how can I help you?” Simple, confident and professional. Cas takes a deep breath.

“Hello, my name’s Castiel and I… read your profile.” 

He’s glad no one can see his red face or shaking hands. It’s probably obvious in his voice anyways, because Dean takes over. He doesn’t mention anything that might sound dirty or sexual at all, but they both know what they’re talking about. Dean asks if he read the rules, makes him repeat a few. 

He asks information, which Castiel stutters out, and mentions a few options for when and where they can arrange an appointment. Castiel feels like he’s in a haze. Now that he’s calling Dean it seems easier to just roll with it. Backing off now seems impossible. 

_Friday night, 8PM._

It’s Monday now. Before he knows, they said their “see you then”’s and Castiel put down the phone. 

What in _God’s name_ did he just do? He called an escort guy, just because his friends told him to… No. Not because of his friends. Because he was getting crazy of not being the same as them, of not being as far as all the other people.

He just wants to belong, be a part, not apart from others. He wants to feel whole.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel wonders how he ever got here. He keeps nearly dropping his glass of water, eyes gliding through the hotel lobby. It’s a decent hotel, nothing fancy but not dirty or old either. 

In one week, he learned more about the escort business than in all the 21 years before, but he feels like it’s written all over his forehead. _I_ _’m a virgin and I called an escort guy because I don’t know what else to do._ He takes the last sip of his water and checks his watch. 7:45 PM. 

He’s been here for fifteen minutes, and he still has fifteen more minutes to spend. His entire week has been a wreck, which was even noticed by his friends. They just thought he was having one of his stressful weeks because he felt like he had to study more. But it was far from that. 

Every single day leading up to now, Castiel wondered if he shouldn’t just call Dean and say he made the wrong decision. _Is this really the way he wants his ‘first time’ to be?_

He’s been on the verge of calling, finger nearly pressing that call button several times- but he keeps on pulling himself back. Because the teasing hadn’t stopped and Cas couldn’t wait for the day he could tell Balthazar and Meg that he wasn’t a virgin and that he didn’t understand what they were talking about - totally silencing them for once. That would be his sweet revenge.

But now, Castiel felt like hiding in the hotel bathroom or just going home. No, _no,_ he was _not_ going home. For once in his life, he was going to be brave.

He walks over to the man behind the desk and takes his wallet. “I booked a room for two under the name Novak.” He says. The guy nods and checks something in the guest book. “Yep. Here you go.” He says and hands Castiel the card. “Number 105.” He tells him the lobby’s phone number, but Cas doesn’t listen anymore.

 

The room is bright, clean and fresh. There’s a blue coverlet at the edge of the pretty made up beds, matching the light blue wall behind the bed. Cas puts down his bag at the dark wooden desk and walks towards the window. It’s peacefully quiet, but Castiel preferred the noise from downstairs. Here, he’s alone with his thoughts.

The TV is larger than the one he has at home, but he doesn’t put it on. Instead, he chooses the radio. He changes the station until he finds a calm, old song. He turns down the volume and sits down on the bed. 7:52 PM.

He listens to the song and tries to shut off his thoughts, but his throat is filled with fear and his heart won’t stop pounding.

“It’s going to be fine.” He tells himself softly. “Just _calm down._ _”_ His fingers run over the coverlet impatiently. 7:55 PM. Five more minutes. Cas slips off his shoes, neatly places them under the bed and gets up. He checks himself in the mirror, tries to redo his hair, fiddles with his shirt and decides that looking at himself makes him even more nervous. 

He starts pacing up and down until the little numbers on his watch flicker from 7:59 to 8:00. Then he suddenly thinks he doesn’t want to look too eager and impatient, so he quickly sits down on the bed again, his back towards the door.

One minute passes, thoughts flurrying around in his brain. Maybe he got the time wrong, or the hotel, or maybe Dean doesn’t want to- It’s only been two minutes, and Castiel is already making up scenarios that make no sense.

He almost jumps up when there’s a soft _click_ from behind him, and the door opens. Somehow he manages to turn around slowly. Dean’s standing in the doorway, hair wild and eyes even greener than in the picture. He smiles at him as he comes inside and slides off his leather jacket, putting his bag aside and laying his jacket on top. He’s wearing a simple white shirt with short sleeves curving around his biceps, worn jeans held up with a belt on his slender hips.

“You’re…” Cas manages and gets up. _Beautiful. You_ _’re absolutely beautiful._ “…here. You’re here.”

Dean gives him that smile again. Castiel didn’t know teeth could be so white.

“So are you.” He swiftly kicks off his boots with an elegance of a ballet dancer and shuffles them aside with his socked feet.

Cas doesn’t know if he has to say anything- he probably should, because there’s a long silence as Dean puts away his shoes, but his mind is a hollow pit. He just stands there, taking in every single move Dean makes. Before he knows, Dean’s close to him. He looks him over, then teases his fingers over Castiel’s abs. 

His green eyes glide up to his face as Cas feels panic rising up in his throat- it colors his cheeks. Even though he’d been trying to prepare himself the entire week, he knows there’s no way to prepare for this at all. Wide eyes stare back into the mesmerizing green. He can’t hide it.

“Hey,” Dean whispers softly. His hand is still on Cas’ abs and it glides to his hip, pulling him closer. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

God, he must be so annoying, just another guy who has no clue of what he’s doing.

“My apologies,” Cas says way too formerly. “I just- I never… I…”

Dean tilts his head and as he rests his cheek against Castiel’s, his warm minty breath ghosts at Cas’ ear. He looks at him for a while, fingers teasing at the hem of his shirt.

He’s about to kiss him, his plump lips are parted and he’s close, real close. But he seems to have paused his own acts, in deep thoughts.

“You’ve never been with _anyone._ _”_ Dean realizes.

When Cas looks down, Dean takes a step back. His warm hand slips from Castiel’s waist and he shakes his head.

“I don’t understand. Why-”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel blurts out and sighs. They didn’t even do anything, and he already made a fool of himself. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, don’t apologize, alright?” Dean holds up his hand. “I just don’t understand why you want your first time to be like this.”

Dean seems genuinely not grossed out. He’s just all kinds of confused and it kinda looks good on him. Then again, Castiel doesn’t think there’s _anything_ that looks bad on Dean.

“I uh-” He hesitates. Should he fake a story? But nothing seems more plausible than the truth. “My friends… they always keep complaining and joking about how I’m never with anyone. If I don’t do this, I’m not good enough and I’m not going to sit and wait and do nothing.” He slightly defends himself, he doesn’t want to look even more like a big, pathetic failure.

“Your friends say… Jesus.” Dean softly shakes his head. “Man, I… I never say no, but this- this is no reason to have sex. You can’t just force yourself into it because someone tells you you ain’t good enough if you don’t do it? That’s bull. Believe me, that’s not a good reason.”

Cas rubs his neck. He doesn’t really dare to look at Dean, even though he doesn’t sound angry or agitated, only surprised. He swallows, then nods.

“I know. I wasn’t- I’m sorry. Wasn’t thinking. Just thought that… Y’know, once I’d do it… I’m sorry for wasting your time. I can pay and you can just-”

“No.” Dean interrupts. “I ain’t leaving. We planned two hours here, anyways. You wanna hang out?” He sits down on the bed and pets on the space next to him. He acts as if they’ve known each other for years, not as if they actually came here for sex. He is so easygoing and calm, the total opposite from how Castiel had been acting. “Talk to me.”

As soon as Castiel realizes that he’s not losing his virginity tonight, he slowly gets more comfortable. It probably helps that Dean is so loose and calm about it and even suggests to order beer.

They do, and once they’re both settled, Dean looks at Castiel with curiosity.

“Tell me ‘bout those friends of yours.” He takes a sip.

“I don’t even know where to begin.” Castiel frowns with a half smile. “They’re a pain in the ass, really. They constantly bother me with things I never had problems with, but they make it a problem and then I feel like I have to change. Don’t get me wrong, they’re good people and good friends. I just… struggle with myself when I’m around them.”

“I see,” Dean says with his mouth hovering above the bottle. “They probably didn’t mean for you to do something like this, but…” He takes a swig. “They should watch their words a little more.”

“Maybe I just want to make them be proud of me.” It’s easier to talk about this with a relative stranger than with someone he knows better. “Or show them I’m not the lonely nerd they think I am.”

He can swear Dean is smiling as he takes another sip.

“Lemme tell you something.” He says, sitting upright. “Everyone always talks about how important relationships are. How it’s good to be with someone. It’s a status, really. If you’re with someone, you got your shit together- your life is good. But hell, I see the founders and victims of broken marriages and messed up relationships so many times, and they really don’t have their shit together.”

Castiel thinks about it. Meanwhile, Dean lays down on the bed and sets his empty bottle on the nightstand, staring up at the ceiling.

“I think that if you find the right person, that one human being you can spend the rest of your life with- that’s when there are no victims, it doesn’t have to fail.”

Dean is quiet. Cas looks at him and sees that he’s thinking- his frown deep. He sees that Dean is different. When he just came in, he’d been seductive in everything he did. But now he doesn’t think about how he looks or what it looks like if he scratches his cheek. It is way more natural, and Castiel prefers this. Nothing of his beauty has disappeared, Castiel’s breath still catches in his throat.

After a long silence, Dean speaks with a soft voice.

“You might be right, Cas.” He smiles, looks at him and relaxes back into the pillows.

Their two hours passed quickly, maybe a little too quickly. Dean talks about his little brother Sam with pride in his voice. How one day the younger will study at Stanford and become the best lawyer ever. Castiel listens, lets Dean’s voice take over his thoughts.

When they realize it’s time, Dean takes a while to get on his shoes. Castiel insists on paying, even though Dean starts protesting. It’s less awkward than he thinks, but he still blushes when Dean slips on his jacket, the money safe in his pocket.

Without really thinking about it, Castiel walks him to the door. Once there, Dean turns around.

“Thanks for talking to me.” He says out of nowhere, and smiles again. “I had a good time.”

“Me too.”

Dean tucks his hands in his pockets, bag slung over one shoulder. “Gotta go.” He leans in. “I got your number.” His lips press softly against Castiel’s cheek, they linger before he turns around. Then, he’s gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel catches himself thinking about Dean all weekend long. He left the hotel early on Saturday morning, feeling weirdly alone even though he hadn’t been with Dean for more than a couple of hours. It’s strange, how normal it feels to have Dean’s number in his phone and his smile ghosting through his mind. It fits. 

He spends his weekend trying to concentrate on schoolwork, studying, but he’s not as productive as he normally would be. Maybe he should blame Meg and Balthazar, maybe he should thank them. He doesn’t know.  

Monday morning in class is boring him, though classes barely ever do. The teacher is rambling on about unimportant information and Balthazar has promptly fallen asleep in class.  
It’s sunny, the warmth from outside streaming in through the windows making everyone a little sleepy and way too comfortable, especially for a class about historical figures and their appearance in later literature.

Cas tries to keep his attention with the class- but Balthazar’s snoring and mumbling is slightly distracting.

When Castiel’s phone buzzes in his pocket, he’s more than happy to take it out and check.

_Hey, you wanna go get some coffee today?_

Castiel stares at the message for a while and especially the name above: Dean. He really did just send him a text, out of nowhere. His mind goes back to when Dean left that Friday night. “I got your number.”

As he opens the message, he can’t stop the corners of his lips curling up.

“What are you smiling for?” Meg asks, leaning in so she can read the message. He quickly turns the phone away and glares at her.

“Nothing.”

“Is he cute?”

“Shut up, Meg.”

When she isn’t looking anymore, he replies to Dean.

**Of course, what about 11?**

It doesn’t take long for Dean to answer.

_Sounds perfect. You at college?_

**Yes, unfortunately.**

_I’ll pick you up, Chuckles (;_

It isn’t easy to shrug off Meg and Balthazar after class. When Meg told Balthazar about Cas’ message, he won’t stop asking questions. But he somehow brushed them off at the cafeteria and made his way outside without his two friends following him. For a while, Cas looks around, scanning the people to see Dean’s face.

“Heya.” Someone says from right behind him. He turns around and looks into the apple green eyes.

“Hello Dean.” He smiles, looking at his feet, unsure of what to say.

“Uh- Let’s go.” Dean suggests and as they walk away from the school, Cas can feel him looking at him. Dean’s wearing slightly ripped jeans and a Led Zeppelin shirt, wide and a bit too large around his waist, way more comfortable than the fitting white shirt he was wearing last Friday. He couldn’t hide the pretty curve of his hips, though, not even with the leather jacket thrown over his upper body casually.

“So, how was class?” Dean asks, and he somehow sounds genuinely interested.

“I’ve had more interesting ones.” Cas says and Dean chuckles softly. “But at least it’s over.”

Dean laughs again. Cas catches him looking, but Dean quickly averts his eyes.

“You know what’s funny?” He says after a while. “This… I mean, asking you out for a coffee and all- it made me more nervous than just having sex with strangers several nights a week.”

Castiel can feel his cheeks darken, even though he’s smiling. He doesn’t know how to reply, so instead, he looks at a pigeon hopping next to him, looking for food.

“Maybe it’s because I’m not a stranger anymore. You know me now.” He says.

“I think so.” Dean agrees and suddenly rests his hand on Cas’ arm. “Let’s go in here.”

When they both have their coffee and sit at one of the tables in the small cafe, Castiel notices Dean shifting around, fiddling with his cup.

“Are you okay?” He asks after a while, looking at Dean’s hands.

“Yeah, it’s just-” Dean bites his bottom lip before looking up at Castiel. “I was thinking… Isn’t it weird or awkward for you to… just get a coffee with me even though you know what I do?”

It’s Castiel’s turn to laugh. He takes a small sip and shakes his head, smiling.

“Not more awkward than hanging out with my friends who had sex the night before.”

After this, Dean seems to relax a little more. They slowly finish their coffee as they talk about Castiel’s university and how Sam is already busy studying for his final exams.

When it’s time for Cas to go back, Dean walks with him until they’re in front of the university again.

“Hey,” Dean says before Cas can turn away. “We- should hang out some more, once.”

“Yes,” Cas smiles and nods. “We really should.”

“Good. Yes. Uhm. Right. I- good luck with school and everything.” Dean stumbles and waves a little. As Castiel walks inside, he looks back a few times, until he can’t see Dean anymore.

It isn’t easy to find moments to hang out together that often. Castiel often has college in the morning and afternoon, and Dean works at night. Most of the time they just text, small conversations that stay in Cas’ mind all day. The fact that Dean has to work on so many nights is slightly annoying Castiel. At first, he thought it was just because he wanted to hang out with him. But he slowly realized that he’s also a little jealous. He likes the moments when they get coffee together or just walk around in the park, talking about their week. Dean is an irregular part of his routine now, and Castiel is happy with the change.

Meg and Balthazar still feel like Cas needs some more adventure, though, so they make him promise to go out with them tonight. He doesn’t feel much for crowded bars, but he can’t keep ignoring them forever.

When he’s getting ready and thinking about the peaceful night of reading he’ll miss out on, his phone lights up and buzzes. For a second he hopes it’s Balthazar saying they won’t go out anymore, but then he sees it’s Dean.

_You free tonight? I don’t have to work, thought we could hang out._

Cas bites his lip. This barely ever happens, and he’s not going to reject this offer. For a moment, he hesitates.

**I’m actually going to Larry’s Bar tonight, but please join if you want to.**

_I’m in! What time?_

**We’re leaving in ten.**

_I’ll be there, Cas._

The bar isn’t as crowded and loud as Castiel had been afraid of. There are more tables than there’s place for dancing, and most people are just sitting and chatting softly while having a drink, some small band playing a calm song on the stage. They sit down at a table in the back, and Cas keeps throwing glances at the door. He doesn’t want to miss Dean.

Just when Meg gets back with three beers, Castiel sees familiar messy hair.

He gets up with a smile and waves Dean over. Dean grins and waves back, then disappears behind a group of people.

“Who was-” Balthazar begins.

“A friend.” Cas simply says. He already likes the confusion and interest on both their faces. “He’s joining us, if that’s okay.”

Dean appears again and waves at Cas another time, passing other people and tables. Balthazar and Meg follow his glance.

“Where did you find _him_?” Balthazar asks, his eyes wide as he looks at Castiel.

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe me.” He puts down his beer and gets up to greet Dean.

“Heya Cas, good to see you, buddy.” Dean smiles and pulls Cas into a hug. He hides his surprise and quickly hugs back, taking in the warmth of Dean’s body. He smells like leather and cotton, and something a little spicy.

“Good to see you too.” He replies as they let go, and they walk back to Balthazar and Meg.

Castiel leaves the three awkwardly together as he goes to get another beer for Dean. When he gets back, they’re all sitting and Dean shifts his chair aside so he can join.

“I just told them how we met at the library.” Dean smiles, and when Cas looks confused, he gives him a wink. “They say I don’t look like the studying kinda type.”

“They do have a point.” Castiel says. He slides down next to Dean a little too comfortably, but Dean doesn’t seem to mind at all. The only ones who look confused are Balthazar and Meg, giving each other meaningful glances as Dean softly touches Cas’ beer bottle with his own.

Halfway through their second beer, the band leaves and there’s an opportunity for karaoke. As soon as Meg realizes, she tries to force Cas on stage, but he simply refuses. Balthazar says he’d rather die than sing on that thing.

“Y’know what,” Dean says and drinks down his beer in one swig. “I haven’t done karaoke in forever.” He pats Cas’ shoulder as he gets up and shrugs off his jacket. A moment later, he jumps on stage and talks with a guy at the side.

Cas can feel Balthazar and Meg looking at him, so he tries not to blush. It’s difficult because Dean is holding up his thumb and grinning.

Not everyone pays attention when the music starts, but Cas does.

As Dean starts singing a country song, Cas can barely hide his smile. His voice is pretty, even though Dean probably doesn’t know that himself. He just likes to sing the song, not having to focus on what he looks like.

 _“I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires…”_ Cas doesn’t know the song, but Dean is so into it that he can’t help enjoying it too. When he sees the young man swaying on the rhythm, singing Carrie Underwood from the top of his lungs, Castiel knows one thing. He’s in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood, because reasons.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean laughs at something Cas says, throwing his head back in joy. He easily flings his arm around Castiel’s shoulder without any hesitation, a bottle of beer loose in between his slender fingers. Castiel is embarrassed in all the good ways. His cheeks are flushed, rosy and hot, he can feel it pulse in his ears and heat up his neck. With every touch of Dean on his skin, his heart flutters and his stomach twists. And Dean- Dean keeps touching him. His hands find Castiel’s, he tugs him towards the bar to show him something, then drags him back to their table. He leans in as he feeds snacks to Castiel that he ‘really should eat, they’re damn delicious!’, and simply teases his finger against Cas’ lips as if it’s nothing.

He shuffles his chair close so he can hear Cas speak, ghosts his breath over his cheek as he listens in awe, a mixture of beer and a minty scent that dazzles Cas until he’s out of breath and out of words. He stutters, smiles, tries to look cool and fails, falls in love with everything Dean does.

Dean knows what he’s doing. He knows how to drive someone crazy. When he gets up he sways his hips as he walks away, he throws Cas smiles over the back of his shoulder - and when he returns, he touches his arm or leg when he sits down. All Castiel can do is fall apart under the feeling and stare into the sparkling green of his eyes.

Dean leans in close, head almost resting against Cas’ shoulder and moves his lips close to his ear.

“Dance with me, Cas, come on,” He smiles and Cas blushes when he feels long eyelashes bat against his cheeks, followed by soft nudging of Dean’s nose.

“I’m- I’m not a good dancer.”

“Don’t care. I just wanna dance with you.” Dean puts his empty bottle down and tangles his fingers in between Castiel’s.

“But Dean, why-”

Dean’s face is close again. His lips brush against his jaw.

“Because I’m drunk,” he mutters, lips trailing rough skin. “And you’re beautiful.”

Cas only realizes Dean is actually kissing his neck after he already pulled away. Cas doesn’t know if this is one of Dean’s tricks, a way to lure men into his net, but it’s working, Cas is all tied up.  He gets up with Dean, who pulls him to the small dance floor. Calm and steady as if he didn’t have a single drink, Dean slides his arms around Cas’ waist and pulls him close. Castiel finds a place for his hands behind Dean’s neck, where it’s warm but he doesn’t mind.

“You _can_ dance,” Dean mumbles. He changes up his position until he can settle his head on Cas’ shoulder, freezing Castiel for a moment. Then, he smiles and inhales the scent of Dean’s hair, sandalwood and vanilla.

“So can you,” he says, and Dean only presses closer when the song ends and changes into another, slow and gentle.

The rhythm changes, the lights get dimmed. There are a few couples pressed up against each other, but neither of them notices. Castiel holds Dean, nose still close to his hair and closes his eyes. He could stay like this forever.

But way too soon, the song ends. Dean doesn’t pull away, just stays where he is and breathes calmly. If they hadn’t been standing, both of them could’ve fallen asleep this way. Castiel reluctantly pulls himself back to reality, looking around to see people leaving the dance floor when a different song comes on, not suitable for a slow dance.

He softly nudges Dean.

“Dean… I think Meg and Balthazar want to go home… Come on, we should leave.”

Dean whines and mumbles, sighs and pulls away. He frowns at the change of light after having his eyes closed for a while and keeps his arm interlocked with Castiel’s as they get back to the table.

Once they’re outside with Meg and Balthazar, the fresh air seems to wake Castiel a bit. He notices how heavy Dean is, keeping his balance only because Cas is holding him.

“Shall I bring you home?” He asks. He’s concerned, Dean could easily trip and get hurt - or get lost. It would be a miracle if he could even make it to the end of this street.

“It’s… not a long walk, Cas, so-”

“So it’s no problem if I walk with you.” He interrupts and looks at Meg and Balthazar. “I’m going. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” Balthazar grins mischievously. “Use protection.”

Castiel doesn’t smile. Meg seems to see the concern on his face and gives him a reassuring look.

“Text me when you’re both safe and home, ‘kay Clarence?”

“Of course. Stay safe, you two.”

On their way home, Dean keeps holding Castiel’s hand tightly in his. It feels good- almost as if Dean is his. As if they’re a thing. But Cas has to keep reminding himself that Dean is no one’s. He’s free, kisses anyone, dances with whoever he wants, goes to bed with the people who ask him…. He shouldn’t think like this.

Dean mutters quietly, but Castiel can’t make sense of it. He looks for Dean’s apartment instead.

He helps Dean get inside the building, decides Dean is better off with the elevator and guides him there.

Inside, Dean stands against Castiel a little though his thoughts seem far away, in another place. He slips his hand out of Castiel’s  when they reach the fourth floor, and stumbles out, followed by a worried Castiel.

It takes him a while to get the key in the lock, but after a while, he gets in. Cas hesitates, but follows anyway and helps Dean shrug off his jacket.

“Cas-” Dean mutters. “You should…  you should go home too, ‘s late.” He’s close, his jacket halfway off. “I can find my bed - I’ll be fine. Promise.”

Something stings in Castiel, and it feels as if something in his chest breaks, snaps off like a branch of a tree. A sudden jolt of something he can’t quite place, but it hurts. Dean doesn’t try to push him away, though, he even moves closer to hug him.

Despite himself, Castiel hugs back right away and holds Dean, who’s almost even heavier than before.  

“Thanks, Cas…. for- for tonight… for…”

“Thank you too, Dean. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean hums and pulls away. He tries to look into Castiel’s eyes, but he has a hard time focusing. “Please- be safe, okay? Be safe… Tell me when you’re home, promise you’ll tell me.” His voice cracks a little.

“I promise, Dean.”

Castiel doesn’t know why Dean was so worried, but more so, why he wanted him gone. As he walks home, he understands what had hurt him. He felt rejected, and maybe Dean did just reject him…

It just didn’t make sense. He thinks about the night, the way Dean has been, how he was around Cas all the time, laughed with him, even kissed his neck and slow danced, head on his shoulder. He held Cas’ hand on their way home, was close all the time- and then sent Castiel away. He feels stupid, but he had been sure that Dean had been trying to get him home all night long. His behavior leads to one thought;  he wanted Castiel to go home with him and at least kiss him, if not spend the night.

Maybe Cas was too confident, thinking Dean wanted him. But he can’t make sense of Dean’s behavior if he didn’t want him, either.

He suddenly realizes he’s in front of his own apartment. He thoughtlessly walked home, only thinking about Dean. When he’s inside, he locks the door and immediately kicks off his shoes, throws his jacket over the coat rack and walks right into his bedroom. He’s too awake to go to sleep now, and Dean’s scent is still around him. If he’d take a shower, he loses it. The vanilla scent lingers as he gets undressed, which makes it impossible to not think about Dean. After he got into his cold, empty bed, he texts Meg.

**Both home safe.**

He switches to his conversation with Dean and retypes his message a few times before sending it.

**I’m home. Sleep well.**

Meg had almost instantly replied.

_His?_

**I’m not with him, Meg.**

_Oh, why not?_

Cas bites his lip. That’s what he’s been asking himself on the way home, too.

**Honestly, I don’t know. He told me to go home.**

_Can I call you?_

He sends a ‘yes’ and Meg immediately calls him.

_“Hey, tell me, what happened? Why did he want you to leave?”_

“Like I said,” he sighs and lays back into his pillow. “I brought him home, then he thanked me and told me to go. He- hugged me, made me promise to let him know I got home, but… I don’t know.”

He doesn’t have to explain, thankfully. Meg is quiet for a while, but he knows she understood. His mind starts racing again.

“Meg- did he seem… flirty to you? I mean- did he seem… into me?” He blushes and it gets even worse when Meg laughs.

_“Into you? Into… Damn, Cas, he was all over you. I figured he’d rip off your clothes as soon as he got you alone.”_

For some reason, he’s glad Meg thought this - he hadn’t been delusional the whole evening.

“He flirts with many people, Meg. I don’t know.”

_“He was pretty wasted, though. Maybe he’ll explain tomorrow. You should get some sleep.”_

“So do you,” Cas says. “Thanks, Meg. Sleep well.”

_“Sleep well, Clarence.”_

Castiel doesn’t know what Dean had done, but he’d done it good. When he eventually falls asleep, Dean’s still haunting his dreams.

Castiel hoped that on Sunday, Dean would explain everything. But he soon realised that he shouldn’t hope too much. Around 3 PM, he received one single message.

_Sorry, already fell asleep yesterday. Glad u got home safe._

He replies anyways, still hoping he can get the conversation going.

**It’s okay, Dean. How are you feeling?**

_Pretty hungover._

The conversation stops. Castiel doesn’t know what to say, and actually, doesn’t know if he wants to say something. It might be childish- but if Dean doesn’t talk, he won’t, either. But deciding that doesn’t make it easier. He hopefully checks his phone every few minutes, hurries to get it when it buzzes, and keeps being disappointed by Meg or Balthazar.

Maybe Dean needs time to think, he tells himself as he’s trying to focus on studying. He should give him time.

He doesn’t know exactly how long that ‘time’ should be, and it’s working on his nerves. The next few days at school seem like a lifetime. He can’t concentrate for longer than a minute, gets annoyed by tiny things that normally wouldn’t bother him, he snaps at his friends and is even more quiet than normal. He doesn’t want to give in and text or call Dean, but he doesn’t want to give up either. Waiting is all he can do- but he doesn’t know for how long.

Meg and Balthazar aren’t stupid. They noticed the obvious change in Cas’ behavior the moment he got into class, all grumpy and short. Balthazar tried to cheer him up on Monday, making jokes and drawing silly things next to his notes, but when Castiel only vaguely smiled and nodded, he gave up. They ignored it on Tuesday, but that only seemed to make it worse.

On Wednesday morning, Balthazar had decided it was enough.

Without a warning, he suddenly grabs Castiel’s phone out of his hand and lays it aside.

“Listen, Cassie,” he says seriously. They’re in the cafeteria and he leans in so only Castiel and Meg can hear him. “If something’s wrong, you got to tell us. We’re not blind. You keep checking your phone and you get angrier with every minute. So tell us. What did Dean do?”

Castiel hesitates. He can get angry or ignore it, but they deserve neither. They are always there for him. So he takes a deep breath and explains. As he talks, it all seems so stupid- but his friends don’t laugh. Meg still seems a little confused.

“Alright.” Balthazar hands him his phone and takes a bite of his sandwich. He somehow manages to talk while chewing. “If Cupcake doesn’t talk to you, he might be waiting for you to talk - or he’s just a jerk.” He swallows. “Either way, I’ll kick his ass next time we meet.”

“It’ll be okay,” Meg says, “If there’s not a reasonable explanation. he’s not worth you being Mr Grumpy for the rest of your life.”

Cas nods and lets it sink in. Even though it hurts, he shouldn’t keep on hoping if he doesn’t even know what he’s waiting for.


End file.
